When is My Turn?

Tonight's been quite busy.  Not physically, but mentally.  My counsellor gave me some 'homework' and I've to do some research thingy, which is not so bored I guess and I’m blog walking to few of my fav blogs, while listening to Lady Gaga's songs from the player.  Then one thing struck me. A voice of my dear friend, Miss Weeza, telling me, few years back, that one of my school friends died in a car accident.  I'm not sure why out of so many things I've heard, my mind and my heart chose this particular one.

I still remember my reaction towards the news.  I was shocked, confused, and sad.  She's only 20, and she's gone.  She was a friendly person, adorned by many for her voice and her gracefulness.  I still remember how she used to laugh at the rest of us whenever we're messing around during the dance rehearsal.  Or when we told her she sounded like a frog. Farhana.  I miss you.

Now, thinking back about the memories, I realized that I've been thinking about death quite often lately.  Am I afraid of death?  Nope, for I know no one in this world can escape from it. What I'm afraid of is whether I'm ready for death.  I felt I've done so many sins in my life.  To my Mighty One, myself, my parents, my sisters, my family members, my friends, my neighbours, people I personally know as well as those who I don't know (through gossiping, of course).  I've done a lot terrible things that I'm not proud of, and I hope God will forgive me for everything that I did.

When I open my eyes from sleep every morning, I feel glad that I'm still alive.  I'm glad that I have another chance to kiss and hug my love ones, to make them happy, to enjoy life with them.  When I go to sleep at night, I pray that I'll be given another day to live just to watch my love ones happy.  When I'm gone, I hope they won't be sad for my leaving.  I want them to be happy.  I want them to celebrate life.  I want them to move on.  I hope they won't forget about me though.

I apologize for every hurtful things and acts that I've done to every one of you.

Like a saying goes "Beribadatlah seolah-olah kamu akan mati esok hari, dan carilah rezeki seolah-olah kamu akan hidup seribu tahun lagi" (perform your religious obligations as if you'll die tomorrow, and find your good fortune as if you'll live another thousand years) so that each of us will find happiness in this world and Hereafter.