To Change or Not to Change?

Watch your thoughts, they become words
Watch your words, they become actions
Watch your actions, they become habits
Watch your habits, they become character
Watch your character, they become your destiny.
- Frank Outlaw

I wonder why it is so easy for us to ask (or perhaps I should use the word 'order') someone to change just because we don’t like the person’s particular habit?

Habits are not something that can be changed overnight but I'm not saying it is impossible.  It is, in fact, a very hard task but it is possible.  I speak from experience.  It definitely requires lotsa inner strength, determination, perseverance, motivation, eternal support, effort and time. Some people said you need to be forced to change then only you will change.  It might be true, it might be not.

Personally, I never think force or pressure is a good 'motivation' for people to change, especially teenagers and adults.  As a person who already has a sense of who he is, being forced to change might send message of being attacked, not physically, but rather an attack to the person.  Thus it’s not a surprise when the person rebels, a reaction to protect himself from this attack which leads to anger, heartbreaks, disappointment, lost of trust and worse, physical aggression.  It affects not only the one who is forcing and being forced, but also those close to them.

Change should not be forced; it should come from the heart.  It should never occur because of someone or something.  What if that someone or something is out of sight or leave your life? Will you return to your old habit?  Change should never happen because of trends. Change of habit, not change of style.  What will happen when the trend wears out?  Back to the old self?

People might ask, so Aida, how do you make someone change?  If you asked me this question few months back, my answer will be "..just tell him you hate it and he needs to change and whip him if he refused haha".  But now I realized, the only thing I can do is inspire them to change.  But how?  There are so many ways to do it.  If you just focus on the one dot in the box, that is all you will see. But the most inspiring thing that you do for someone to change for the better is to give the person a gift of experience.  You have to change yourself for the better and let the person feel the goodness of change and InsyaAllah, he will change as well. To make people change, you must first change.

But remember, change is only good if it leads to betterment.